The other day I tried on a dress in front of my roommate.
“Wow, that looks great on you!” she said.
“Yeah, but I’m only interested in any clothes I that I would wear in Central America. This is too revealing… you can see half my boobs.”
“Yeah, but it looks hot! Take it anyways!”
I know that I won’t take the dress.
Sometimes I feel like I am the only woman who makes a conscious effort to dress at least somewhat modestly when traveling in more conservative countries. Sure, I probably don’t dress quite as modestly as I could, but I try to at least find the halfway point between covered from head to toe and North American summertime clothes.
I have heard the following statement at least a half dozen times while traveling in Central America:
Girl wearing spaghetti-strap tank top and short-shorts: “It’s so disrespectful how men are always making obscene comments and staring at me here!”
While I’ve certainly heard a few catcalls, in my personal experience most men in Central America have been respectful to me. I’m not gross looking, so I’m going to guess that this has something to do with the way I dress.
I don’t think the fact that someone is “on vacation” or “backpacking” is an excuse to completely ignore social standards on dress. Even when it’s hot out, it’s not appropriate in many countries to have one’s boobs hanging out.
At the risk of generalizing, when I travel in Latin America I use the following rules:
Either pants, capris or skirts.
Skirts shouldn’t be too short. The shortest I would wear is a skirt that hits right above the knee.
No teeny tank tops – I usually have the shoulders covered.
No major cleavage, but showing some is ok.
In West Africa it’s different. Legs are considered much more sexual, so skirts should be longer. But showing skin on top isn’t as big a deal so I might wear a tank top.
Either way, a little thought goes a long way.
Here’s me on a hot day in Panama City, wearing a typical outfit:
Am I taking too much of a “blame the victim” mentality? Is it wrong to blame female travelers for the comments they receive? Should they have the right to dress as they want? Should I instead blame the men making the comments?
Obviously, I don’t think it’s “ok” to verbally assault someone… but I think that female travelers should be more respectful of local norms as well.
Comments 6
No, you are not taking too much of a “blame the victim” mentality.
Dressing or acting certain ways will evoke certain responses. It may be different from culture to culture, and may not be *right* from one persons perspective, but it is reality.
If you dress or act in a respectful manner, people will respect you. I am always amused when I hear a teenager complain about not being respected, yet they are acting in a manner that is totally disrespectful.
I would like to see women of today (and men) in the US learn a little about this. Too many act like airheads and dress too revealing (men and women). It encourages those that have little respect for women to have even less. Working in a business environment I see young people, men and women, come and go. The ones that succede are the ones that learn that dressing well and acting well have as much effect on their success as their actual work. Maybe more.
Although I am 47, I can’t blame my age on my thinking. I have always felt that a woman in a nice dress or conservative skirt and top was sexier than a woman in a bikini. I would like to say that I always dress well, but in fact, I am a slob. Such is the double standards of humans. We want others to do what we may not be willing to do.
Bob L
Posted 03 Jun 2009 at 5:09 am ¶It is my impression that “culture” is just an ongoing stream of symbols that the people of a certain group mutually understands. The way someone dresses invariably sends off a symbol of who they are and what intentions they have.
In the case of young foreign women in Latin America, if they were skimpy clothes it seems to send a symbol that they should be treated as if they are showing off their sexuality. Combine this with their (sometimes deserved, in my opinion) reputation of being promiscuous (at least in relation to young Latin women)and they are feasted on and drooled over wherever they go.
Dress is a cultural symbol, regardless of what the wearer’s intentions really are.
It is my impression that people often get the attention they ask for. Few women are so dumb that they do not know that wearing skimpy clothes in Latin America is going to provoke attention from men.I do not think that the spaghetti strapped, short skirt American girls are oblivious to the situations they somewhat provoke.
But, on the other hand, I think that catcalling is a symbol in response to a symbol. I do not think that it is often a real sexual advance, but something than men do to prove their own heterosexuality to other men (perhaps?). I think that catcalls often have very little to do with the women that the calls are directed to. It is, ironically, somewhat homoerotic to gawk and gesture at “sexy” women in the presence of other men.
The combination of a dress symbol with a reputation for being sexually easy — a reputation that many young foreign women make no attempt to curb — and western women become walking, living symbols of promiscuity.
When I find myself in a bad situation, I blame myself for allowing it to happen. I think that your jest at “blaming the victim” is justified.
This may be some disconnected thoughts . . . but I think that it will fuel the conversational fire that you sparked.
I think that your clothes of choice for travel in Latin America will ensure that you are sending a symbol that you should be treated with respect.
Wade
Posted 04 Jun 2009 at 9:29 am ¶Bob – I agree with you completely about sexiness and conservative dress. I feel my best and sexiest when I’m wearing something that is flattering but leaves some stuff to the imagination.
Interesting on dress and work success… do you think that this ever goes too far in the other direction – when how someone presents themselves actually begins to overshadow the content of their work?
Wade – you know sometimes I wonder if some travelers AREN’T completely oblivious to the fact that their clothing elicits a certain response from the local population. Sometimes it really seems that some travelers believe there’s no reason not to dress (and act) however they would at home.
Well, maybe you are right and they are aware… but just ignore this entirely.
As for “blaming the victim,” I think it’s good to take a more balanced approach. On one hand, it’s really important to mitigate risks and as you said it, use the right “symbols” to portray yourself as someone deserving as respect.
At the same time, though, not everything is someone’s fault. If someone makes a wrong turn down a bad street, for instance, and is assaulted – sure, they “got themselves into that situation” – but it is important to recognize that they are not the “wrongdoer.”
Oh yeah, the old foreign women as promiscuous stereotype. Somewhat deserved, yes… anyways this is a whole other can of worms that I will open in another blog entry.
Speaking of disconnected thoughts! I shouldn’t respond to both your thoughtful comments when I come stumbling home late at night. So inarticulate…
Posted 04 Jun 2009 at 10:02 pm ¶Yes, dress can be taken too far. Not, in my opinion, as overshadowing your work, but if you are too overdressed or just too far away from the herd, you will stand out too much. That can cause jealousy, distrust and all the other 200 deadly sins. For the best effect, look at the situation/environment and dress appropriately for the response you are looking for. You obviously know how to do this, but many people were never taught, and never learned this.
Bob L
Posted 05 Jun 2009 at 9:31 am ¶Right on, Bob,
Dress is a tool, of sorts. It can set you up or knock you down. Everybody looks at how everybody presents themselves, and this causes automatic emotional responses that no person can really help — or so it seems.
Though a good tactic is dressing outside of what anyone can place — the unplaceable is a cultural wild card.
Wade
Posted 06 Jun 2009 at 7:01 pm ¶Hi Caitlin,
I see that you have been to Jordan, and therefore asking for some clothing advice.
I’m traveling to Amman, Jordan, to study a course at the university for 4 weeks after which I will continue to Syria for a week of travel. I am packing right now and as I am scandinavian and the idea of +40°C in anything but bikinis makes me sweat at the spot, I know at the same time that I have to cover myself in these Arab countries.
How was it in Amman, what time of the year were you there? Is it enough to cover upper arms and over knees and cleavage, or is it important to also avoid showing body shape as I saw advised in another article? What did you wear and how were you treated?
I think you all make very valid points there, i wish more travelers were considerate too.
Tea
Posted 14 Jul 2009 at 12:10 pm ¶Post a Comment